Far from Las Vegas
by KillerMuffinish
Summary: Lily and James are trapped in the Boy's Dorm, Sirius and Remus are (sort of) coming out of the closet and Peter might have a girlfriend! Marauders fun, please give it a read. xx


**A/N: Kind of a random Marauders-story. Please review.**

"What are you doing?" Lily hissed through her clenched teeth. "Let me go!"

Bridget laughed; she was a chubby, 14 year old girl with almost colorless hair and worst of all, she was in love with Peter Pettigrew. Her drool had stained Lily's clothing.

"How dare you!" Lily squealed and tried to pull her arm away. "I don't even know you! Answer me!"

Bridget just laughed and looked at the redhead with evil, little eyes.

"LET GO!" Lily screamed. She was starting to get mad and a mad Lily Evans was never a good thing. But Bridget wasn't scared that easy; she held a tighter grip around Lily's arm and led the older girl to the Boy's Dormitory.

"Where are we going?" Lily asked and fixed her green eyes on the door in front of her; it was the famous 'Marauder's Door', the very door that most of the girls at Hogwarts had seen when they were seduced by Sirius Black and then later faced again when he kicked them out, "oh no!"

"Oh, yes," Bridget drooled more than ever. Her eyes had turned big and dreamy.

"You can talk?" Lily couldn't help but sounding surprised, "how interesting. Let me go."

"No."

Lily was just about to tell this ignorant girl that she could prepare herself for immediate hospitalization on Skt. Mungos, but shut her mouth again when she heard a very familiar voice…

"Where are we going, Wormtail?" James asked, curious but annoyed. He had been reading a Quidditch-magazine when his strange friend had pulled away from the image of the new Firebolt.

Lily could hear them walking up the stairs and started to panic. "Let me go so I can escape!" she whispered to Bridget but the girl just smiled and shook her head. Lily was deeply disappointed in herself; why couldn't she escape this stupid chubby girl? Lily considered if she had eaten too much dessert lately and decided to cut down on sauce. But Bridget's grip was unusually strong and Lily wondered if the girl might have superhero-blood in her veins.

"Remus is giving chocolate out!" Lily heard Peter say as he dragged James further up the stairs.

"But I've already eaten," James answered.

That line was followed by minutes of silence. Lily counted to hundred two and a half time.

"I'm just kidding, Wormtail," James laughed and Lily was sure she could hear a relieved sight from Peter and boyish fist-bump sounds. The two so called 'Marauders' came closer and Lily panicked. She tried to hide behind Bridget, who was wide enough but so much shorter than Lily.

So when James and Peter arrived they both screamed in fear.

"What is Lily Evan's head doing on your hair?" Peter asked and starred at Bridget whilst James fell to his knees and prayed God to kill the little fat girl that had taken over his beloved's body.

"Guys," Lily sighed, rolled her eyes and stepped away from Bridget.

James got up from his knees and pretended that he hadn't just acted like a total idiot in front of everyone. He smiled at Lily. "What are you doing here, Orange-Peel?"

"It's a barbeque, Potter," the redhead hissed. "Isn't it obvious?"

"A barbeque?" James replied with a confused look. Where was all the grill, the privet hedges and the topless girl he always imagined were at barbeques?

Lily was just about to answer, but Peter talked before she got the change. "Wanna switch?" Peter asked Bridget and she smiled.

"Switch what?" Lily asked as Peter grabbed her and Bridget grabbed James. "SWICHT HUMANS? You think I'm a damn Wizard card?"

Bridget ignored her completely. "When we've done this we can be alone all day, okay, Petie? On 'now'?" she asked and James looked down at the little fat dwarf. He laughed… until she pushed him into the Dorm and shut the door after him. He heard a key in the lock and then he discovered that Lily lay on his back. "Love, you have to move if you want me to survive."

"Are you saying I'm FAT?"

"You're crushing my head down in Sirius' used boxers!"

Lily chose to stay on his back for a couple of minutes and listen to his desperate gasp for air before she rolled down on the floor.

James stood up and Lily followed suit after. "Let's get out of here," the green eyed one said and turned to the door. There was just one problem; it wasn't there. "What the hell?" she cursed before she remembered that she was Prefect and ought to talk properly. "I mean what on earth…?"

James blinked. "There's a lot on Earth…"

"Aaarhg!" Lily cried out, "that little brat! She locked us in so she can be alone with Pettigrew!" She turned to James. "Potter, get the door back!"

"What me? How?"

Lily threw her hair behind her shoulder and James went to coma as the red color reflected in the light. "You're a Wizard," she pointed out.

"You're a which!"

"WHAT?!"

"But… it's true," James almost whispered. "You are a witch."

"Oh right." Lily blushed. "In Muggle 'witch' is sometimes a bad word."

"Why?"

"That's not relevant. Get the door back."

"Okay, okay," James mumbled and started to look after his wand. Lily was patient in 20 seconds… 40 seconds… two minutes… Her voice was dripping with coldness when she talked.

"You've lost it, haven't you?"

"Looks like it," James sighed and checked his pockets one last time. "Yep… it's gone."

"Great!" the angry red head snarled," just great! And my wand is at my Dorm so we can't use that one either…"

"You think there's someone in here?" James glanced around the messy room as if he hoped one of his bellowed friends would appear out of nowhere.

"NO I don't think anyone's in here!" Lily screamed and stared at him with angry eyes. All the yelling got her out of breath.

"Well, I guess we just have to get the best out of a bad situation."

"FORGET IT, Potty! I have to get out of here as soon as possible! It's grows, its smells like chicken and I think I just saw something move under that pile of clothing over there."

James started to get a little afraid of his true love and shot another panicked glare around the room. "Are you sure no one's in here?

"Of course I am! You think Remus Lupin and Sirius Black would suddenly march out of the closet?"

In that very moment the closet-door opened and Remus Lupin and Sirius Black came out. "I told you there was room enough for the both of us," Sirius said. "You owe me a chocolate bar."

Remus sighed and looked through his pockets before he gave Sirius a chocolate bar that Sirius greedily opened and stuffed in his mouth in one bit.

Lily and James started at them with loose jaws. "What are you doing here?" Lily and Remus asked at the same time when they saw each other.

James and Sirius exchanged looks. "Having fun?" Lily slapped James across the face.

"Sirius insisted that the closet was big enough for both of us which I didn't believe, so we tried it out," Remus quietly explained with an uncomfortable facial expression. He knew what it looked like to Lily and James and he was aware of the rumors circulating about him and Sirius. "What are you two doing here?" he added.

Sirius' face broke into a pervy smile. "They probably went up here to have hot sex in the closet like us." Remus punched him.

"We are locked in," James explained. Lily looked thoughtfully at the wall were the door used to be.

"Duh," said Sirius and rolled his eyes. "Alohomora."

"But the door is gone and I think the little fat girl stole it because she wanted to be alone with Peter," James told them and even Lily, who knew it was true, thought it sounded stupid. "But you guys have you wands, right?"

"Yeah, we put them in the invisibility-"

"SHHH!" James hissed. Lily shot him a curious look.

"The invisibility-what?" she asked and stepped closer with raised eyebrows. The disappearing door was forgotten for a while.

"The invisibility-beam," Sirius improvised.

Lily wrinkled her eyebrows. "What?"

"Nothing," Remus answered tiredly. "He's not mentally stabile; can't control his own words."

"Why would you put your wands in the invisibility-beam?" James demanded to know. "You know what happened the last time we put our wands in the invisibility-beam. And why were you even using the invisibility-beam? It's MY invisibility-beam!"

Sirius and Remus looked around the room after ignoring James' last question. And indeed, they could not see the invisibility cloak anywhere. Of course not, since the cloak turned invisible as soon as something was hidden underneath it.

"Crap!" Sirius mumbled. "Are you sure we can't get out?"

"We can jump out the window!"

"Good idea," Sirius phrased and walked towards the window."

"Padfoot, Prongs, we are on the seventh floor."

"If only humans could be like spiders," Sirius said with dreaming eyes. "Do you think a person like that exists?"

"Have you never heard of Spiderman?" Lily asked and wondered why she had made two references to superheroes in less than 20 minutes. Maybe it was some kind of strange fetish, but she didn't like that thought.

"Who?" two of the boys asked.

"It doesn't matter," Remus mumbled.

Sirius stared at Lily's breast. "Meloooons," he drooled.

"REMOVE YOUR EYES FROM MY BOOBS, BLACK!" Lily screamed with the madness clear in her eyes. She couldn't take much more of this and considered suicide as soon as she got out of here.

"Mate, that's my girl!" James said and sent his best friend an evil glare. He ignored Lily snarling that she most certainly wasn't 'his girl'.

"Sorry," Sirius apologized. "Ol' habits and all…" Remus answered something but Lily didn't hear it. She was too busy thinking.

"Go back in the closet," she said after a short while.

"Don't talk to me like that, woman," Sirius grunted in a very manly tone.

"NOW!"

"Okay…" Sirius mumbled and walked back into the closet with a quick wondering look at James as if he tried to ask his mate why on earth he wanted to be with that redheaded monster.

"You too, Remus," Lily added. "I'm sorry, but I have to speak privately with Potter." Remus obeyed and left Lily and James alone.

"What are we going to talk about?" James asked happily and jumped.

"Us. You and I."

"Whatcha think they're doing in there?"

"POTTER!" Lily screamed. Her voice was getting hoarse of all the yelling and it almost cracked," focus."

"I'm sorry, say it one more time."

"Why do you torture me?" the girl asked and crossed her arms.

James didn't recall any sexy torture-scenes with Lily except from the ones in his own imagination so he assumed the red head was being rhetorical somehow. "I torture you?"

"Yes and – wipe that goofy grin off your face!"

"Sorry."

"Why are you stalking me?"

James gave her a surprised look. Did that girl really not get it yet? "We are meant for each other," he said. "I want to be with you, I want to be your partner."

Lily stared at him for a while. Why was his voice so gentle, as if he actually meant it?, she wondered.

"I want to take care of you forever," James smiled and for a moment Lily thought she could see psychotic possessiveness flash in his brown eyes.

"Why do you want to be with me? You don't even know who I am!"

"I know that your favorite dish is lasagna."

"I love lasagna…"

"I know you sleep with your socks on 'cause you don't like to have cold feet."

_That's a lie!_ Lily thought. _Wait, no it it's not. How the hell – heck does he knows that? Is he spying on me?_

"I know that you make dog ears in you books but then you feel guilty and apologize to them."

_He shouldn't know that…_

James smiled. "And I know that you're favorite bra is blue."

Lily shot him an angry glare. "Too far?" he asked.

"Waaay to far."

James just looked at her. "I like you, Lily," he finally said and smiled that smile Lily knew was referred to as the "dream smile" by a bunch of 4-year girls. The same girls who had a group called "The James Potter & Sirius Black + Friend fan club". Basically the club was an excuse to giggle every time the Marauders walked in - occasionally spy on them as well.

"You are stupid and ugly," Lily responded, just to say something.

_He looks like a kid who just dropped his cake because his mother kicked him in the crotch._

"That comment felt as if I just dropped my favorite cake because my mom kicked me in the nuts," James mumbled to the floor.

_Wow, far out. Coincidence, coincidence, coincidence! Two souls, one thought my arse!_

"Shut up!" the girl exclaimed and stared at the closet. She was afraid that 'someone' also known as Sirius Black could hear them. "It's never going to be the two of us, okay? It's just as unlikely as if Remus turned out to be a werewolf!"

James looked at her with big eyes. Then he smiled. _Seriously, what's wrong with this idiot?_

"I want to tell you a secret," he said and gestured to the bed. Like Lily would sit on some gross boy's bed – it was probably stained with dry semen.

"NO!" someone suddenly yelled and Lily twisted just as Remus and Sirius both jumped out of the closet.

"MOONY!" James screamed. "You must not disturb! Lils and I are in the middle of a very tender and romantic moment!"

"Haven't mommy told you not to lie?" Sirius asked.

"Go back in the closet, Padfoot," James mumbled.

Lily accidently laughed – or grunted – in a not very feminine way, but she quickly stopped the random sound when she saw the look on Remus' face. He was pale and he looked at James as if he didn't know him. "What are you doing?" Remus asked and Lily noticed that his voice cracked a bit.


End file.
